Why I Wrote Other Wise Hearts: Stories That Tell the Truth About Autistic Lives

Stereotypes like The Big Bang’s Sheldon Cooper or Rain Man were part of the problem. I wasn’t like them. I had no special abilities, noticed everything to the point of envying Sheldon’s social oblivion, had no interest in trains or numbers, and was perfectly capable of independent living.

I felt the pain of others deeply and had a love of writing stories, metaphors, and thinking deeply.

It was all a far cry from the perceived ideas of rigidity of mind, low empathy, and limited creativity that had trickled down to me throughout my life and professional training.

Yet, even with these misperceptions something rang true for me. I’d been the girl who’d stood alone in the playground knowing I was different. The lonely, anxious child who spoke little and, at eleven, began copying other girls in an attempt to fit in — the girl who tried so very hard and failed anyway. The outspoken young woman who struggled with her mental health, who could win any argument, and was labelled, throughout life, as sullen, odd, or rude.

It’s why I continued my search for clarity.

The day, age 57, I came across a post on social media from an Autistic woman writing about her experiences, I cried. There I was, on the page.

It changed everything. Suddenly, my whole life made sense.
It was a realisation that brought feelings of relief – and overwhelming loss. I grieved for all that might have been.

For the suffering I might have been spared.

For the years spent trying to ‘fix’ myself.

For the decades of misunderstanding – by others and me.

For the time wasted trying to be someone different,

For the cost of believing I’d been broken or less than.

I longed to go back to my younger self and tell her everything I now knew. To make it better. But I couldn’t.
So instead, I decided to write Other Wise Hearts.

If my own pain couldn’t be undone, I could do my best to ensure others felt less alone.

I could write something that debunked common myths about autism and explored the rich, complex, and often misunderstood realities of autistic lives — especially those of women and girls.

I could shine a light on the ways we are missed, misdiagnosed, and misunderstood, and perhaps ease some of the pain that follows.

To represent a breadth of experience, I interviewed other late-identified Autistics. Their stories revealed uniqueness — and commonality. It was these conversations, alongside my personal and professional experiences, that inspired the characters and narratives that became Other Wise Hearts.

True to my love of metaphor, I created an alternate world, Gala Teria — a place of magic and symbolism that could convey the intensity of autistic experience more powerfully than any real world could.

Here:

• Loneliness and its high emotional stakes became a landscape.
• Masking became a form of magic that exhausts the user.
• Vulnerability took the form of a deadly creature and an unwinnable game.
• Existential threat became a frozen sea on an icy shore.

For all this, at its core, I wanted Other Wise Hearts to be a story about being human – the pain of rejection, the yearning to belong and the hurt of being misunderstood, as well as the power of acceptance, the wisdom of love, and the magic of being who you truly are.

I hope that within its pages, readers find not only comfort and compassion but also recognition that their depth, sensitivity, and complexity have profound value.
I hope they feel less alone.

And I hope those who love or work with autistic young people come away with a deeper understanding of the often-hidden emotional landscapes autistic girls and women navigate every single day.

Because understanding can change lives, and if Other Wise Hearts helps even one person feel understood, or one adult change the way they see a young person in their care, then every page will have been worth writing.

Hayley Graham is an autistic psychotherapist, mother of neurodivergent adult children, and author whose work centres on stories that heal, build understanding, and help people feel less alone. A UKCP-registered child and adolescent psychotherapist and BACP-accredited adult psychotherapist, she brings both clinical experience and lived experience as a late-identified autistic woman to her writing and therapeutic work.
Hayley is the author of Shadow Monsters and Courageous Hearts and Other Wise Hearts, and the founder of BOUNCE! Brighter Futures Foundation.
Her focus now is on writing, speaking, and advocacy that deepen empathy and remind people they are not alone in their struggles. www.hayleygraham.co.uk